Welcome To BD - Behavior Disorder: My Journey Through the Abyss

You ever get slapped with a label that feels like a noose tightening around your neck? Behavior Disorder. Just hearing those words as a kid was like a punch to the gut. Like, what else could possibly go wrong? Then, bam - they throw you into a class that’s less about learning and more like a detention center. Welcome to my world. Life just kept getting better... sarcasm intended.

The cops? They didn’t just watch from the sidelines. No, they hunted me down like I was some kind of prey. Outcast. Alone. Spiraling deeper into a dark abyss with no lifelines. This is my story. Raw, unfiltered, and real.

The Label That Changed Everything

Getting branded with Behavior Disorder felt like a scarlet letter. It wasn’t just a diagnosis; it was a sentence. Suddenly, I was the “problem kid.” Teachers looked at me like I was ticking time bomb. Peers? They kept their distance. I was shoved into a special class that wasn’t about growth or support. It was about control. About containment.

Imagine a classroom that feels more like a jail cell. The walls closing in. The air thick with tension. No room to breathe, no space to be yourself. Every day was a battle just to survive. The system wasn’t designed to help me heal. It was designed to break me down.

A classroom resembling a detention center

I remember sitting there, wondering how life got so twisted. How did a kid like me end up here? What did I do to deserve this? The answers never came. Instead, I got more isolation, more judgment, and more pain.

When the Law Became the Hunter

You think the cops are there to protect you? Not when you’re labeled “bad.” They chased me like a wild animal, like I was some threat to society. Every siren, every flashing light, every shout - it was a reminder that I didn’t belong. That I was a problem to be solved, not a person to be understood.

The fear was constant. The feeling of being hunted never left me. I learned to run, to hide, to disappear into the shadows. But no matter how far I went, the darkness followed.

This wasn’t just about law enforcement. It was about a system that saw me as less than human. A system that pushed me further into that abyss, cutting off any chance of a lifeline.

Finding a Flicker of Light

But here’s the thing about darkness - it’s not endless. Somewhere deep inside, a flicker of light can still burn. It’s fragile, easy to snuff out, but it’s there. For me, that light was the realization that I didn’t have to stay trapped in that cycle.

I started to fight back. Not with fists or anger, but with words and willpower. I sought out people who saw me beyond the label. Who believed I could be more than my past. It wasn’t easy. It still isn’t. But every step forward is a victory.

If you’re reading this and feeling stuck, know this: you’re not alone. There is a way out of the darkness. It starts with one small step - reaching out, asking for help, refusing to accept the story others wrote for you.

Rebuilding From the Ruins

Healing isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, painful, and slow. But it’s possible. I learned to take control of my narrative. To turn my trauma into strength. To find purpose in the pain.

Here’s what helped me:

• Acknowledging the pain without letting it define me.

• Finding mentors and allies who believed in my potential.

• Setting small, achievable goals to rebuild confidence.

• Practicing self-compassion when I stumbled.

• Connecting with a deeper spiritual purpose to find meaning beyond the chaos.

  
  

It’s not about forgetting the past. It’s about using it as fuel to light your way forward.

A journal symbolizing personal reflection and growth

Your Story Isn’t Over Yet

If you’re trapped in a cycle of pain, remember this: your story isn’t finished. You have the power to rewrite it. To take the pieces of your broken past and build something stronger, something real.

Eric J. Herrholz aims to empower individuals to transform past trauma and pain into personal strength and purpose, guiding them to rebuild their lives with clarity and confidence, and fostering a deeper spiritual connection. That’s the kind of support that can change everything.

So, what’s your next step? Will you keep running from the darkness, or will you face it head-on and find your light? The choice is yours. And trust me, it’s worth fighting for.

You don’t have to be defined by the label they gave you. You are more than your past. More than the mistakes, the pain, the judgment. You are a survivor. A fighter. A soul with a purpose waiting to be discovered.

Keep pushing. Keep believing. Keep moving forward. The abyss may be dark, but your light can shine through it all.